Today I thought was going to be good. I got up, got ready, took my meds and noticed it didn't take me 5 minutes to refocus, only 3 minutes today, but Rome Wasn't Built in a day, so Rebecca can not heal over night and get the instant gratification she wants.

Did I seriously just start going off in 3rd person? OMG. Well, I am BPD Type I Hyperactive afterall.
On my way I find myself trying to "Flee the scene" and go back home, but I dug deep and asked for validation of my 6th sense and asked Granddady to help me get there ..... And bam! Just like that .... I'm on Jim Miller and I begin to laugh (my grandparent lived off Jim Miller in my childhood) as Sir Mix Alot - Baby's Got Back come on. LMFAO I was, because it was the beginning part of it, "Oh My God Becky, would you look at that butt..." I felt empowered once more by validation of my 6th sense I've known I've had for my entire life, so YAY! Rebecca can in, right?? Wrongo ....

I get there, still didn't want to be there, but I made it, get inside, there were no lights on, it was a bad omen to begin with. Turns out we had a "sub" in therapist today because our normal therapist wan't there. Anyways, I was all "Ok, whateve's"

So....he introduces himself as "Bernie".... And I swear to God I turned around and low and mother fucking behold, he looks just like my Uncle Bernie (my Uncle Bernie was my Grandaddy's younger brother and died from a horrible accident 9/22/2013)

Well, it's time for "process" which is when we fill out a worksheet on how we feel, regarding last night our meds and so forth.....

Well, next time I ask for validation of my Grandaddy being there, I won't ask so hard because the following took place:

He couldn't hear us, so he had us repeat ourselves over and over and over again,
I got up to go smoke and he said "NO" and I said (to myself) Fuck You & left at 10:50 ...

I ended up leaving as a form of self soothing as our normal therapist allows this. I get home and automatically begin to feel: awful, guilty, horrible and then I'm all "Um, no you're not going to ruin your day with your sad, ugly, blue, angry thoughts.....So I sat down and began this blog today........