Bricks in the bedroom

I painted this January 2007. I've got a few spots drawn out. Just need to do it.

Dirt therapy

So I'm in the process of fixing up my flower beds. Dirt therapy is the best. Being unmedicated for ADHD sucks though. Thank God I go to the doc tomorrow.

Kids and Bullying

I am having a huge issue with our 10 yr old being bullied on the street we live on. She's been friends with these kids all of her live, and yet one outsider who comes in and takes control of everything now states that these kids can no longer play with my daughter. This infurates me and makes me sad. I look outside expecting to see her playing like always, yet all I see is a child with her head hung down and walking very slow and sad. I can't make it better and that is what is killing me. I've talked to the parents and nothing changes. I suppose to adapt to this other child's "rules" would make life easier and "go with the flow" that is if you want to play with Hitler. I'm not cool with that. Lately I just feel so helpless in this situation, especially since other parents don't want to take time to address the situation at hand. Thankfully this Hitler child isn't at her school, but next year when my daughter starts middles school at 6th grade, Hitler witll be in the 8th grade at that same school. And 2 of the boys that our on Hitler's team, whom were once my daughter's playmates since diapers. It's a pretty sucky world we live in when some parents don't give a damn.With that being said, I will continue to protect my baby girl as long as I can and teach her through motivation, inspiration, faith, hope and love that it will all work out in the end. That's all I can do.

All DMX - Party Up (Up In Here)

All this is what goes in my mind (except from the vulgarity) (all manics are different) when I feel my anger/rage red/black blackouts come on

American Authors - Best Day of My Life (Official Video)

Amazing encouraging song. Love it. Even my 10 year old daughter sees it encouraging. So proud of her for her strength and bravery.

The All-American Rejects Gives You Hell (lyrics) (HQ)

Love this song!!!!

American Authors - Best Day of My Life (Official Video)

Love this! Me & Rosie, one of our favorites

Sang this in high school choir, always have loved the words to this!

My Hell of a Morning .....

So my morning starts of as normal, wake, go downstairs quietly, trying to not wake the kids, get to the bottom stair and hear Jax "Mama? Mama! Mama!" And off it begins,

Go upstairs to get Jax, open Rosie's door to wake her, only to find her on her phone, but waking non the less. 

Go downstairs make Jax's breathing treatment, set him on the couch, turn on breathing treatment; Rosie calls to me from the kitchen"Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, something ride to school..."

So I realize I've not taken my meds, take meds, make coffee and ask her what she said again.

I don't remember the exact words but she was asking if I was taking her to school today. Which since the beginning of the year our next door neighbors offered to take her to and from and through out the year it's been a challenge (re-visit in a minute)

Anyways, Jax is sick and I didn't want to get him out again so I asked her to go next door and get a ride with them. I am also outside while she does this, smoking. I witness the door open slowly and slam back in her face, at which point she turns and walk off and I blew a gasket.

 I BAM BAM BAM on the door, and was greeted with the neighbor's son, and our friend's son (I'm not using names on purpose (These 2 have given Rosie shit since the beginning of the year calling her fat, slow, ugly and so forth and it's just gotten worse and worse)) and I ask "Where's your mother?" Neighbor's son replies "In the back," which I begin walking back to where she was and she walks out. 

I asked if Rosie could have a ride and also informed her that the boys have been vulgarly harassing Rosie with some sexual comments as well. Our friend's son shouts out "I've not said anything sexual." I leave it alone, because I was talking with my neighbor; but, as I turn to leave, our friend's son states"That's right, get the Hell outta here." And I turn and got chest to chest with him and said "What did you say?" Friend's son "You're not my mother, get the Hell outta my Mother Fucking Face Bitch." Ok keep in mind he's 11, in the 5th, about 4'8 and roughly 55 lbs. I get red/black hostile like homicidal fucking livid and I said hastily "I've been more of a mother to you than you own mother has been to you (I know it crossed the line, but the truth hurts and it is not a position I took voluntarily) and your father would agree," and I stormed out to find Rosie leaving in that shit storm. I came in and immediately call Nathan who tells me to call said father of this child, which I do, and I got hung up on. Nice.

The rest of the day I've just been trying my best to not feel horrible for this morning, because in hind sight, I did nothing wrong, but well, yea, well nothing. I know that our friend aka father of child won't do anything, he never does. Hell, 2 weeks ago this child disrespected Nathan in own our front yard, which Nathan immediately went to our friend and informed him.

This child next day told Rosie he can do whatever he wants because his dad doesn't care and he doesn't get in trouble. 

It just fucking kills me today that these kids get no discipline action. I'm not saying I'm perfect at parenting, but when a spanking is in order with a belt, do it!!!!! Also teach our kids to respect their elders the way we were. Hell if paddling were still around in middle schools for a punishment, I beat this shit would at least decrease, maybe.

Rome Wasn't Built In A Day

So, I've not blogged like I had been. Probably because the Celexa is taking effect, which is ok, just hate that part of me dies when medicated. I suppose that's why Bipolar patients tend to get off their medications.

I go to therapy again on Friday. I really like my therapist. I had been dreading it (going to therapy) I hate talking about all the bottled up shit, but it must be done to make me better and begin to heal.

I see Pascoe again on the 18th, and at that point, again I will ask for medication for my ADHD.

So in a nutshell, I'm getting better, but still not quite there yet.

I know that it will always be a work in progress, I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

"Rome wasn't built in a day"