Changes

I wish that there were words to express  all emotions I feel when I remember where I live; a National Declared Diastee Area from the tornado 12.26.15.

Seems sometimes my feelings are like nothing ever happened.

Then there's these kind of days; melancholy...

Frustration

I'm beyond over fucking around withinsurance, public adjusyer, and our supposed contractor.
We received a tiny marble of a shit from our public adjuster vs State Farm.
Btw, #statefarminsurancecansuckhairydonkeyballs

Now the contractor wants more than 1/2 the settlement up front without itemization of what this amount is going toeards.
Monday, my husband contacted our contractor,  who told my husband he'd call him once he got back at the office @ 4.
No call..
Yesterday,  again, my husband called and left a vm.
Today, the same.
Our house is bleeding seriously from the roof ruined on 12/26, the origin storm. (EF4 tornado)
It's been raining/severe storms since end of Feb /early Mar.
It's leaking everywhere, upstairs. Stars, downstairs,  and garage. I'm including the interior ac unit & water heater closets.
I've noticed the the lower pitch on our roof in busting thru our lower elvation, but the front door.
We've got mildew smells from plumbing issues from wall movement. ...
I could continue batching and stay on this negative frequency,  but I'll end it now....switch to positivity and optimism.
It feels better.

Learning to let go of angry feelings

I've had some stuff happen the last year that has been tested my patience.

It makes me mad, blood red mad. 

But I've had to really focus on letting those grudges and angry towards situations and people. How? 

Breathing techniques, and yes recently, meditation.

It's so hard when we are so pissed and something or someone, it's drains us emotionally and physically.

If I learn how to trade those feeling into love, then I'd be set, but I'm still working on it. 

We are all works in progress.

Love thy self

I've been told recently that my suspions aka intuitions have been correct.

All I can say is once you realize the things that don't matter& who gives a damn who u really are...All there is, is love.

So love thy self (yes I'm at the beginning stages of it) so one can purley love another.

Just some memes I love

Florence + The Machine - Shake It Out

I love this song and I love F&TM. Reminds me of a family matter going on at the moment. Today we went to get the truck and this was playing along with my brother's hat sitting in the passenger sit, like a message. Interesting.

Just an Update

Been some time now, huh?

Well, all was ok until I began to swell from my Lithium increase 2 weeks ago and I got off my Lithium. I called my doc Friday and no phone call back. Their office staff sucks and lately it seems like he never gets my messages. Anyways, I'm hanging in there, and plan to call him today for Topamax. I took it when I was a teen, can't really remember what effects it had on me, but will be on the look out for side effects.

On the other, kids and husband are good and I couldn't ask for a better family.